New "look and feel" for US Military (satire)

(Satire, in case you are confused)

New "look and feel" for US Military

Today His Coolness announced a new "look and feel" for the US Armed Forces.

"No longer will American military be disparaged and hated as "The World's Policemen", he said.

"Those pictures of our military folk with those nasty guns killing people all around the world are just so alarming. It's almost as bad as Chicago."

"In order to 'soften" the role of our military around the world, we are going to adopt a new paradigm: SOCIAL WORK."

"Based upon the 'success' of American social workers in dealing with enemy parents, we see no reason this agency culture and business model cannot be expanded world-wide."

"With the American Family Court system, we do not need Guantanamo. We already have a system that operates completely external to the Constitution or any rights accorded therein, and there has been no out-cry in the Major Media about Constitutional Rights."

"Further, the system of torture developed by the system has been operating in all the Westernized countries for the past 30 years, with no major court challenges. In short, no court has found the system and it's mode of operation unconstitutional."

"No longer will we simply go out and shoot our chosen enemies dead. Instead, we will kidnap his kids and hold them hostage while assassinating his character among his peers, forcing his mate to divorce him, dope, rape, and kill his kids one-by-one (because our social workers are so over-worked and underpaid), until our enemy surrenders for a show trial. He will be 're-educated' in our 'classes' (at his expense) to see things OUR WAY- or ELSE. We will drive our enemy combatant out of his mind with our unbearable, nit-picking nannyism. We will destroy him with our poison pens."

"Our enemy combatant will never be able to work again in any trade, due to his listing on our 'Registry', while we require almost all he can make in support payments. This is NOT 'slavery'. He is an 'enemy combatant abusive dead beat' who MUST PAY FOREVER."

"America. The World's Social Worker. An idea whose time has come. Our Social Workers and Family Court system will bring the world to it's knees, and the world will thank us for our 'self-sacrifice'."